Through four weeks of the OklahomIraqis Leagues, we're starting to see some patterns emerge. In the OIL, there is one 4-0 team: Cliburn's Arrogant Americans. But the Americans have had the second-easiest schedule. Behind him the field is wide-open. Teams two through seven have very little separating them and Duffy's Hangovers sit at number eight with key injuries hurting him and Josh Gordon laying in wait on the bench. Only one team remains winless, Schmidt's aptly-named Dead Again. Schmidt has had the toughest schedule in the league, and it will be tough to dig out of this hole. Maybe next year, Schmidt.
In the OIL2, no one is undefeated. But no one has truly separated himself either. Fitzgerald is in first place but teams two through eight are all very close. And the next few teams are very much alive in the playoff hunt. Keep an eye on Zerger's A Manziel in Distress (competing from Afghanistan), Brosh's STEBRO, Nye's Donkey Punch, and Lynn's Brewmasters. Only one team is winless: Musselman's Mutinous Apes. This is Muss's first season playing fantasy football, and it shows. He's making all the rookie mistakes I'd expect from a newcomer. But he's grinding every week trying to better his roster, as evidenced by his 11 roster moves in four weeks. He's also failed to engender any "beginner's luck" as he's faced the second-toughest schedule.
That being said, I don't care if the Chiefs were an original member of the AFL or that their uniforms have remained the same since the beginning. The Chiefs are flat-out boring. Even when they had Priest Holmes, Dante Hall, and Larry Johnson they were boring. They're boring with Jamaal Charles in the backfield. Their color scheme makes them look like they're coached by Ronald McDonald (when they're actually coached by the Kool-Aid Man).
Their QB is "efficient" . . . which means he doesn't suck, but he's boring. That's pretty much the Chiefs' M.O. The same could be said for Cassel before him. Or Trent Green save for a couple seasons. Or Rich Gannon before he became a league MVP in Oakland. Or Joe Montana when he played for the Chiefs long past his prime. Or Steve DeBerg. The list goes on.
Their top wide receiver is a top wide receiver only in that he is the best guy at his position on his team. The only thing consistent about him is the ability to drop passes and disappoint both Chiefs fans and fantasy football managers dumb enough to draft him. Yet he's the best they've got because the Chiefs front office looked at their horrible passing game after last season and decided not to improve it.
Because they're consistently mediocre, they rarely have a very high draft pick. But they recently were so bad (but still boring) they were awarded the number one pick in the draft . . . and they spent it on a lineman from Central Michigan who went on to a horrible season at right tackle. Now, that's boring Chiefs football.
The most exciting era in recent Chiefs history was coached by Marty Schottenheimer. Think about that. While I think Schotty was a good coach, "Marty Ball" was flat out boring . . . and that's as good as it's going to get for Chiefs fans.
Even their name is boring because they can't even misappropriate Native American culture correctly. While everyone has a firm stance on whether the Washington Redskins is offensive, no one even seems to care about the Chiefs and their own headdress-wearing fans. The Chiefs use just enough imagery to let you know what kind of chiefs they're referring to but not enough to make the team or its identity at all exciting.
I grew up in and live in Oklahoma (which, for the geographically-challenged, borders Kansas and Missouri), and I've only seen two people in my lifetime wear Chiefs merchandise. One was a homeless guy who wore the same Chiefs Starter jacket for years (because it was probably free), and the other grew up to be a Juggalo. That's even more amazing when you consider Hall of Fame Chiefs lineman Will Shields is from my hometown. One of the best players of his era was from a town one state away and yet no one there rooted for his team. That's some elite-level indifference right there. And that's everyone's opinion of the Chiefs: indifferent. No one hates the Chiefs because they never do anything to threaten your own team on the field (like division "rival" Denver) and never do anything worth arguing over off the field (like, say, the Raiders).
I've known more Chargers, Jaguars, Bengals and Browns fans in my life than Chiefs fans . . . and they're thisclose to us. Yet, due to the NFL rules on regional broadcasts, I'm routinely left with only one option: watching the Chiefs on a Sunday either lose terrifically or win boringly. Then, when anyone suggests Oklahoma City as a possible NFL-expansion location, people say we've already got the Cowboys, Chiefs and Rams, not realizing that no one here likes the Chiefs and the only Rams "fans" here are just Sam Bradford fans hoping he makes OU look good. But no one likes the Chiefs. No one. And yet, outside of the Cowboys, I've seen more Chiefs games than any other halfway interesting franchise. Thanks a lot, Kansas City.
OKLAHOMA CITY — The OIL's Arrogant Americans released RB Ray Rice today after gossip site TMZ released footage of the player punching his then-fiancée in a casino hotel elevator. Rice was suspended in February for two games for the altercation, and Arrogant Americans manager Justin C. Cliburn took a chance by drafting Rice in the sixth round of the 2014 OIL draft.
"At the time of the draft, all I knew was Rice was missing two games," Cliburn said. "At a sixth-round price tag, our organization felt he was worth the risk. Today, it blew up in our faces. We regret the pick."
But before cutting Rice, Cliburn attempted to trade the embattled RB to OIL manager Mike Schmidt. The Arrogant Americans and Schmidt's Dead Again franchise agreed to trade Rice and Roy Helu for Bishop Sankey and Kenny Stills.
"I saw the video of Rice punching his fiancée," Cliburn said. "And I knew two things: 1. Rice would be suspended for longer than his original two-game sentence; and 2. I no longer wanted him on my roster."
But shortly after the trade sending Rice to Dead Again, the NFL's Baltimore Ravens terminated his contract and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell suspended the Super Bowl-winning RB indefinitely. League reaction to the trade, coupled with the indefinite suspension, was swift and fierce.
DominationStation manager Zachary Jessen said, if the trade was not vetoed, the league's recent move to third-party trade review would have been a mistake. Fourth Down Syndrome manager Justin Finch was even more outspoken:
"Typical [C]lyburn [sic] bullshit. I've come to expect some trade-raping on a weekly basis [from him]. I don't know why anyone ever thinks they are getting a good deal from him," Finch said. "[Yo]u should be ashamed," he added.
Cliburn was undeterred by the criticism. "As soon as we realized Rice would be cut, we contacted Schmidt and let him know we'd be ensuring the league commissioners vetoed the trade," Cliburn said. "I would lose all credibility in the OIL if I went through with this trade."
The Arrogant Americans and Dead Again trade was vetoed by the league office at 2:34 p.m. CST. It is unclear if another NFL or OIL team will take a chance on Rice at some point in the 2014 season, but Rice would have to apply for reinstatement to the NFL in order to play again in the NFL or the OIL. In Rice's place, the Americans will start the recently-acquired Zac Stacy at RB2. Andrew Hawkins will assume the W/R flex position as the Americans move to a five-WR offense.
By Arrogant Americans manager Justin C. Cliburn
The Baltimore Ravens released RB Ray Rice today, after video emerged of him knocking out his then-fiancée during a drunken argument. Here is the video:
In addition to the Ravens releasing the Super Bowl champion Rice, the NFL indefinitely suspended him from the league (citing new evidence). The NFL originally suspended Rice for two games.
I drafted Rice this year. With a two-game suspension, his value was lower and I felt it was a good risk/reward draft choice in the sixth round. I felt bad for it, but using him on my pretend football team did not mean I condoned his actions. Fantasy football is not "real." I wasn't paying him a salary. Ray Rice wasn't publicly representing the Arrogant Americans. We won the 2010 OIL Bowl championship with Michael Vick at QB, so we took a chance. Today, that chance blew up in our faces. When the video first emerged, I tried trading Rice. But I didn't know he would be cut. I assumed his suspension would be extended (perhaps to six games). I traded him to an original OIL manager and breathed a sigh of relief. But then the Ravens released Rice, and I knew what the right thing to do was. I vetoed the trade and instead outright released Rice from the Arrogant Americans roster.
I get a lot of grief about my trades. I "win" my trades more often than not. And I did here again, but gaining valuable players for a RB unlikely to play in the NFL this season was wrong. So the trade has been canceled. I hope I've retained your trust as the OIL commissioner.