By OIL Commissioner and Arrogant Americans​ Manager Justin C. Cliburn
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AFC
NFC
PFC
Aside from Le'Veon Bell having a career day, seemingly everyone significantly under-performed this week. And all this illustrates the value of a first-round bye: four of the six first-round bye teams (Pyle; Cobb; Tadlock; Buehre) would have lost to any of the playoff teams had they played this week, while another first-round bye team (Zerger) would have lost to three of four AFC playoff teams had he played this week. Only Peacock would have beaten anyone he faced had he played this week. 

But those teams didn't play this week, because they were rewarded for outstanding regular seasons. Our league always rewards success, and I have no regrets instituting this playoff policy six years ago, even if it cost me this week. Here is the week one recap:

AFC

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This will be a theme moving forward: incredibly low score totals for the league's best teams. Green won this one while scoring fewer than 120 points; Nye failed to break triple-digits. Nye finishes his season 9-5 while Green advances to face Peacock.
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Brosh rode the golden leg of Justin Tucker to a Monday Night Victory over Roe's Rebels. Brosh will face Zerger in the semifinals, while Roe finishes his season 9-5. Poor games from Colin Kaepernick, Antonio Brown (by his standards), Michael Crabtree, Brandin Cooks, and Thomas Rawls doomed the Rebels

NFC

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Dirty Hippies RB Le'Veon Bell scored 51.60 points against my 'Mericans Sunday. That, in and of itself, seriously wounded my chances at winning. But it was my own team that killed those chances.

Drew Brees threw three INTs and no TDs. Michael Thomas was inactive. Donte Moncrief posted a 0.00. Shane Vereen caught one pass for 10 yards and then left the game with a consussion. Ladarius Green only managed 4.5 points. Thomas Rawls was limited by gameflow after Duffy's Packers built a 21-3 lead against the Seahawks (Duffy's revenge?). So, congratulations to Trovillo. He now faces 12-1 Lucky Enuf​ in the semifinals. 
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This was another low-scoring affair, although Jessen did manage to break 100. Finch sealed the victory with 22 points from Kenneth Dixon on Monday Night. Just before gametime, Finch was left scrambling to replace Theo Riddick, who was a last-second inactive. Jacquizz Rodgers started in his place and scored the same amount of points as Riddick: zero. But Jessen's team was disapppointing all-around, except for Tom Brady. Finch win comfortably, even with a paltry 123 points. The Hard Targets will face the mouthy Dogs of War next week. 

PFC

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Cordes lost Melvin Gordon in the first quarter of his game. On top of that, he got less than two points from two players en route to a measly 114.80 points. Brake was hurt by Drew Brees' bad game, but Carlos Hye was enough to make up for several disappointing Brawlers. Brake will next face Team Tadlock​.
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It was a nice ride while it lasted for Derek Baldwin. But all-around poor performances in the most important week of the season cost him a chance at a title. The Blue Falcons had a chance to pull it out on Monday Night, but Tom Brady killed any chance Baldwin had. Gray will advance and face Buehre and the Dirty Dogs​ in the semifinals.