2016 OIL Draft
The 2016 OIL draft was held at a 6,000 square feet cabin on a private lake near Ada, Oklahoma. Click the conference logo below to view each draft.
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COLLUSION!
This is Cliburn's first round pick. He chose Hopkins before immediately saying AJ Green. Everyone went apeshit. Finch is the one saying "that's it, you're fucked." Leal started yelling collusion. Morgan said something about his trades last year being vetoed for collusion. The trades he's referencing were between Leal and Morgan and they were absolutely collusion.
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What's Taking So Long?
Schuster is saying he's never seen anyone take this long.
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RBs are a dime a dozen
Lynn says "Cliburn, you're the one that told me to pick all RBs" (which isn't true, by the way). Jessen says the "dime a dozen" quip, but he's mocking Brosh, who said it during the AFC draft.
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No one liked your ass in the military anyway
This is Schuster talking about how no one likes Jessen and how Jessen's wife would fuck him up if he talked like this at home (which is factually correct).
Schuster is saying it's karma he got shot because, just before he got shot, he said to the only black guy in his squad "I'm glad you're in my squad because it's always the black guys that get shot first." Brosh is the one that says he believes that he was talking when he got shot (because Schuster is always talking). Cliburn says he heard Schuster leaned into the bullet so he could get free VA money the rest of his life. That's when Schuster said he actually was jumping in front of his guys to save them from the bullet. Hilarity ensues.
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30 Seconds
This is Schuster bitching again.
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Relegation
This is Schuster bitching yet again, this time about relegation.
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CJ Anderson? What an idiot.
Jessen talks about how Duffy is fucked because he took a QB early and then took CJ Anderson . . . Jessen did the same in 2014 (Luck and CJ) and had his worst season ever.
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No undos!
Schuster is saying let them pick something stupid and make fun of them.
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Five seconds!
Now it's Lynn bitching.
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Carson Wentz?!
Lynn picks Carson Wentz because he lives in North Dakota and is in love with him.
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Wake up!
Peacock utilizes a novel, but effective, technique to wake everyone up during a lull in the draft.
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Push the button!
Jessen barks orders because he can't at home.
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Tom Brady
Jessen takes Brady off the board . . .
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Get me a beer!
. . . and now Peacock is barking orders.
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No, pause it!
Jessen is saying that Cliburn wants to pause the draft and undo a pick for Duffy and implies Cliburn wouldn't do it for someone else. Duffy got screwed by autopick when our connection went out.
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Scrotal Forensics
Schuster tells the story of when he took Briscoe's phone and took a photo of his balls. He then sent the photo to everyone in Briscoe's contact list . . . including Briscoe's grandmother. Briscoe accused Parra, who pointed the finger (rightly) at Schuster. The squad leader then took them in the hallway and made them drop trou to compare the balls in the photo to the balls of Parra and Schuster. Somehow, he concluded they were Parra's balls and Schuster just rolled with it.
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Hey, Lynn . . .
Peacock mocks Lynn for wondering if the AR-15 round earlier that day would be forceful enough to detonate Tannerite.
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Christine Michelle
Cliburn argues with Peacock and Finch about how to pronounce the Seattle RB's name.
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Pierre Garcon
Peacock is talking about Garcon being overvalued. Leal says he went higher in Peacock's draft. Peacock inaccurately says he was good in New Orleans.
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How did Cobb ever win a championship?
Peacock asks who's up. Jessen says he wants "Laquell Treadwell." Leal corrects him. Then Peacock bitches about when he mispronounced DeSean Jackson's name. In the background, Cobb picks Seattle Defense and Jessen asks how the fuck he ever won a championship. Cliburn says it's because Cobb had Peyton Manning during his record-setting year.
Jessen says his shit is frozen and then picks Boldin. Leal says he's got one foot in the grave. Peacock is purposely waiting to make the pick and then someone else gets autopicked. We make Peacock hit pause and undo the pick.
Finch says to pick Matt Ryan before someone else can get him (because someone let out that they were targeting him). Peacock calls Matt Ryan a pussy.
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Pickles
Brosh says Schuster said the toilet massacre looks like relish and that only Leal "was eating all those pickles." The mystery of who blew up the shitter is still unsolved.
Jessen says Cliburn would rig everyone's draft if he was in charge of putting the picks in. This was an argument about what to do about a guy who had to work during the draft and whether we should help at all so that autodraft doesn't fuck them over. Schuster says Brick doesn't like anyone. Schuster calls Jessen a bad soldier. Jessen says you can't call me a bad shooter; I'm not the one that got shot! You didn't get go home! In the background, Cliburn says, "you didn't fulfill the mission."
Schuster is bitching about the autodraft process of ClickyDraft.com that we were using. Finch is making fun of the draft day binder Cliburn has used for eight years now.
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FM DJ
Schuster didn't know the mic was hot because he misread the mute button on the mic. He then hit the button to "unmute" it and actually muted it for the rest of the draft.
"Hopefully no one dies this weekend and gets another trophy named after them. — Zachary Jessen
"Cliburn, your hair . . . IT HAS A PART IN IT!" — Justin Finch
"Wait, is that foam going to slow it down too much? It'll only explode if it's hit with high velocity." — Joshua Lynn
"Cliburn, you're not getting that deposit back, buddy." — J.P. Peacock
"Well, there went the tree." — Joshua Lynn
"Blame it on the earthquake." — Everyone
"Go hide that Crown from Peacock." — Lyndal Morgan
"Don't tell the guys, but I bought property damage insurance just in case." — Justin C. Cliburn
"After all the good ones are gone, RBs are a dime a dozen anyway." — Stephen Brosh
"The secret is to just wait him out. Eventually, he'll pass out and you can go back to bed." — Adam Schuster
"GRAY, CUT THAT SHIT OUT!" — Overheard multiple times as Gray repeatedly fired off the deck at the lake below.
"Cliburn's Mr. Emperor over here." — Joshua Lynn
"If you bitch about me shooting close to your face one more fucking time, I'm going to slap the medic out of you." — Adam Schuster
"Cliburn, you are the best organizer of shit that, 99% of the time, nobody gives a fuck about." — Kevin Pyle
"If you were a good soldier, you woulda shot that sniper before he shot you." — Zachary Jessen
"I've been watching a lot of Dr. Phil lately." — Adam Schuster
"YOU CAUGHT ME ON FIRE, JESSEN!" — Stephen Brosh
"It had to be Roe or Lynn . . . they were the only two that ate corn!" — J.P. Peacock
"How was I supposed to know I couldn't wash it out in the sink?!" — Adam Schuster
"Hey, Finch. I bet you can't jump the ATV over that bonfire. — Joshua Lynn
"Cliburn, you're just fucking ugly, you're stupid and you email me way too many fucking times." — Adam Schuster
"Gray, you are the sleepingest motherfucker!" — Kevin Pyle
"I appreciate how [Pyle] talk[s]: in ALL CAPS." — Zachary Jessen
"Gray, you taught me how to put an IV in my forehead!" — Kevin Pyle
"Alright, Jessen. I hate you because it's your fault I got shot." — Adam Schuster
"Cliburn, your hair . . . IT HAS A PART IN IT!" — Justin Finch
"Wait, is that foam going to slow it down too much? It'll only explode if it's hit with high velocity." — Joshua Lynn
"Cliburn, you're not getting that deposit back, buddy." — J.P. Peacock
"Well, there went the tree." — Joshua Lynn
"Blame it on the earthquake." — Everyone
"Go hide that Crown from Peacock." — Lyndal Morgan
"Don't tell the guys, but I bought property damage insurance just in case." — Justin C. Cliburn
"After all the good ones are gone, RBs are a dime a dozen anyway." — Stephen Brosh
"The secret is to just wait him out. Eventually, he'll pass out and you can go back to bed." — Adam Schuster
"GRAY, CUT THAT SHIT OUT!" — Overheard multiple times as Gray repeatedly fired off the deck at the lake below.
"Cliburn's Mr. Emperor over here." — Joshua Lynn
"If you bitch about me shooting close to your face one more fucking time, I'm going to slap the medic out of you." — Adam Schuster
"Cliburn, you are the best organizer of shit that, 99% of the time, nobody gives a fuck about." — Kevin Pyle
"If you were a good soldier, you woulda shot that sniper before he shot you." — Zachary Jessen
"I've been watching a lot of Dr. Phil lately." — Adam Schuster
"YOU CAUGHT ME ON FIRE, JESSEN!" — Stephen Brosh
"It had to be Roe or Lynn . . . they were the only two that ate corn!" — J.P. Peacock
"How was I supposed to know I couldn't wash it out in the sink?!" — Adam Schuster
"Hey, Finch. I bet you can't jump the ATV over that bonfire. — Joshua Lynn
"Cliburn, you're just fucking ugly, you're stupid and you email me way too many fucking times." — Adam Schuster
"Gray, you are the sleepingest motherfucker!" — Kevin Pyle
"I appreciate how [Pyle] talk[s]: in ALL CAPS." — Zachary Jessen
"Gray, you taught me how to put an IV in my forehead!" — Kevin Pyle
"Alright, Jessen. I hate you because it's your fault I got shot." — Adam Schuster